1. Usain Bolt - Showboat or kid with freak speed enjoying the moment? In the hubris-jacked, hair-trigger drag race that is the 100 meters, me and Rick James both think Bolt is just a supafreak.

2. I’m a little bit suspicious that Jamaica has suddenly cornered the market on the fastest sprinters in the world. Undetectable ‘roids? If you see all their sprinters in braces (teeth) in the next few years, you can say I told you so. (’Roids make yer whole head grow bigger.)

3. One of the hardiest arguements Diane and I have had in awhile started like this:

Jack: I’m not very impressed by the whole synchro diving thing.
Diane: It’s really hard to do.
Jack: I’m sure it is. It’s just not very impressive. They spend, what? 3 seconds in the air? You’d think if they trained for four years they could get good at staying in synch for 3 seconds.
Diane: But those dives are so hard to do. Just doing them alone is hard. Trying to do them together is even harder.
Jack: But it’s only 3 seconds.
Diane: How can you not be impressed by those dives?
Jack: So I have to be impressed by divers now?

4. All the Worst Spaniards Have Chinese Eyes. This is not Pete Townsend’s follow up to his 1982 smash album. Are Europeans really more culturally aware than us hillbillies in the U.S.?

And yes - that really is the Spanish basketball team, and they really are making ‘Chinese eyes’ for a photo shoot. Other Spanish Olympic teams did the same.

5. I saw a bit of the US Gymnastics Olympic qualifier event, and after seeing Nastia Liukin interact with her team, I said to Diane - “Wow. Her parents really nailed it when they named her.” After seeing a couple Olympic post-event interviews, I’ve had a change of heart - she’s really a pleasant young woman, and the most graceful of all the female gymnasts. Have you ever been to a Japanese steak house where they cook the meal at your table? Ever had a white dude who kinda didn’t get the whole idea of it being a show do the cooking? That’s what it was like for me to watch the rest of the height-challenged, neckless female gymnasts competing against her.

6. Did it seem odd to hear the Pointer Sisters, Bob Seger and Billy Squier blaring at the beach volleyball venue held in Beijing, China? (Okay, I’d let Seger’s Katmandu slide, but “I’m So Excited?” “The Stroke?”)

7. Of course the opening ceremonies were the most amazing in recent history, possibly ever. But watching them I felt kinda like I did when I watched Rocky 4; the whole country behind the athlete, willing to do whatever they had to to that athlete to make him a dominant competitor, the implication being that the dominant athlete was a reflection of the might of the country. Kicking a million people to the street, throwing millions of people at problems like 2-foot thick algae in the boat race waterway, testing children for their physical abilities at age 3, then removing the really good ones from their households in order to train them for Olympic glory…Kinda creepy.

8. I’m embarrassed for our country when our media posts medal counts. Like somehow our country’s penis is bigger than another country’s penis if we can score more jewelry at an amateur sporting event. Well, Capitalist Pig Media, let’s try this: Giving each medal color the same weight is a bogus measure. If you’re gonna count it, make gold worth 3, silver worth 2 and bronze worth 1. By that valuation method, we have a medal count of:

1)China - 184
2)USA - 162
3)Russian Federation - 85
4)Great Britain - 79
5)Australia - 70

If we calibrate those scores on a per capita basis, we’d have:

1)Australia - .00000343 medals per capita
2)Great Britain - .0000013
3)Russian Federation - .000000601
4)USA - .000000538
5)China - .000000139

We’re #4! We’re #4!

9. Diane: Why do the volleyball women have to wear those bikini bottoms that go up their butts?
Jack: Because skin to win.

10. If a movie could be made about the 3+ minutes of the men’s 4×100 freestyle relay, I’d pay twice to see it. Phelps was great, but Lezak’s performance was a miracle.

11. If Michael Phelps had won 7 gold and 1 bronze and you told me it was a disappointment, I’d accuse you of being a cog in the juggernaut that is the US Media Machine. Then I’d punch you in the face.