That’s right. I’m taking your posts from my feeder and putting them right into a nice little Word doc with the end goal to publish them so others might read them. Or maybe just blackmail.

Who’d you say you were voting for, again?

Throughout my life I’ve had the right’s party line fed to me with a fork and spoon. You sling a Democrat clay pigeon platitude into the air and I’ll tommy-gun it into oblivion with an explanation for why it’s a lie or a sham.

But there are a lot of smart, decent people who could do the same to any Republican clay pigeons I could send flying into the air. I used to think they were the devil. Or at least the devil’s minions. I now feel safe in saying that people like WRH are in fact not the devil. They’re conscientious people like me with a different view of how the country oughta work.

Several years ago I ran across an administrative assistant I had at a job over a decade ago. We had a chance to sit down and chat for awhile and she told me about how something I said made a big impression on her. At the time I’d given her a big task and sent her on her way to getting it done. When she just about had the thing organized she came to me to ask me if she’d done it right. I told her “It isn’t the way I would have done it, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t do a great job. The results are what matter.”

It’s kinda the same with the two parties. Each has their way they want to do things, and I’d be hard pressed to say one was most certainly wrong. Different, but maybe not wrong. And so the hardest part for me, watching debates and reading analyses from purported liberal media and (the tiny contingent of) conservative media, is to holster my gun when that Democrat clay pigeon is sent into the air, and just let it fly, watch where it lands. To not presume Obama’s speeches are liberal code for “we’re going to take all your money and give it to people who don’t deserve it.” To believe all his lies.

And it’s hard. But I’m trying. I’m not sure the most vocal Obama supporters have been doing the same, but neither are the most vocal McCain supporters. Anyway, the people Obama and McCain are most fervently fighting for right now?

Me.

So I guess my job as Bud Johnson is to be part of the swing vote. To the lefties and righties and middlies, all I can say is I’ll do what I can to make the best decision for all of us. Promise.

Oh Yeah!

Not too long ago I’d mentioned something about how if there was a presidential candidate still clinging to the tax savings carrot as part of his campaign stick, in light of the recent bazillion-dollar bailout of All Things Financial, that candidate was smoking crack. Obama already admitted to having used coke. And any serious maverick has probably hoovered some dandruff up his sniffer* at some point.

But am I the only person in America that hasn’t gulped down the crack-sweetened Kool-Aid on the whole tax savings thing? Or am I just the only cynic, believing that ultimately we’ll end up paying for the bailout with higher taxes even though our candidates have promised otherwise? That on about February 5th our new president will pull a classic Dilbert, telling the nation that the books are so far out of kilter that we have to increase taxes, and that he had no idea things were this bad (while shaking a fist in the general direction of Crawford, Texas, feigning sincerity. Damn that Bush). Had McCain/Obama only known, he would never have promised a reduction in taxes for the middle class. “Read my lips” or whatever.

I’ve visited the tax calculator sites. The ones that’ll show you how much you’ll save in taxes with McCain vs Obama. I’m not buyin’ it. I expect a full anal probe conducted by the tax man, no matter who gets elected next week. Gotta be. Can’t pay for something with nothing. And when it happens I’ll want to get my gloat on, but because I like to, y’know,  concentrate when I’m receiving a full anal probe, I probably won’t be talking much. Just know that I’ll be thinking “I told you so”, even if my face is saying something different.

*“Hoovered some dandruff up his sniffer” - I was shooting for something original, clever and funny. I totally nailed it, don’t you think? What? Shut up. Whadda you know, anyway.

Gotta hurry up and get in this post before the Great Pumpkin shows up.

So, we went to pick apples at a place that also had these:

So far this year we’ve been to three places that sell ‘em. But on this day, DJ was wanting to hoist ‘em up onto the hay ride trailer:

This was the largest pumpkin he could possibly lift with one hand, and that’s as high as he can make it go - he’s busting his ass as hard as he can to plunk that pumpkin on that trailer like dad just did. He was frozen in that position for about 4 seconds, straining every muscle in his body to will that pumpkin higher - twice, so dad could get this picture. You’re a trooper, DJ.

And dude would look like he’s five, except for the bit of pacifier sticking out of his mouth. Even so, he thought he was pretty badass for lifting that pumpkin that high, and had a strut for the next few minutes. We got him a “Don’t Fuck With Me” tattoo on the way home. No, a real one.

They had animals, too. And every time we see a llama I ask the same question. Why do dad jokes suck so hard?

Buds. Until the boy gets cooties, anyway.

A couple weeks later and we’re carving our pumpkins. Agalia and I carved Obama:

Diane carved Nutmeg after McCain wins the election:

In my internal reflections over the upcoming election, I’ve come to understand a few things about each party. This is how I see their differences. You may feel otherwise. But you’re not me. So there.

__________________________________________________________

Being a Republican does not make you a racist. But if you’re a racist, you’re probably a Republican.

Being a Democrat does not give you a feeling of entitlement. But if you feel entitled, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you’ve ever burned a flag, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you’ve ever cursed someone who burned a flag, you’re probably a Republican.

If you’re in the company of a flawed person and you think that with just a little help that person can become great, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you’re in the company of that same person and you think that even with a little help that person will likely remain flawed, you’re probably a Republican.

If you don’t believe in God, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you don’t bother to wonder What Would Jesus Do when walking past a prostitute or indigent, opting instead to cross the street to get far away, you’re probably a Republican.

If you think a fair portion of the income of those who can afford it should be given to the government so they can help those in need, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you think there’s honor in being held accountable for yourself and your actions, even when those actions have a negative result for you or others, you’re probably a Republican.

If you are unashamed to make shaved hot monkey love using props and costumes, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you are VERY ashamed to make shaved hot monkey love using props and costumes, publicly speak out against it but privately engage in it, you’re probably a Republican.

If you’ve ever walked a picket line, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you’ve ever driven by a picket line and told the picketers to “get a job” through closed windows, you’re probably a Republican.

If you think all the bosses are idiots, you’re probably a Democrat.

If you think all the subordinates are idiots, you’re probably a Republican.

If you think the other party’s candidate exaggerates and lies with every breath he takes, you’re probably a Democrat, but if you think the other party’s candidate only exaggerates and lies when he exhales, you’re probably a Republican.

Screw it. I had a little disclaimer here to settle everyone’s nerves, but I took it out. If you need go Mt. Vesuvius, don’t let me hold you back.