Before I became a father, I didn’t know:

1. Having kids was the one way I could get my wife to let her hair grow longer. I like it long, she likes it short, but she never feels like she has enough time to get it cut now. I win.
2. Having one baby would make me want to have two.
3. Having two babies would make me want to have three.
4. We shouldn’t have waited so long to have our first baby.
5. A coffee mug with pictures could become my most prized possession on the planet.