Before I became a father, I didn’t know that one day I’d say:

1. Please don’t lick your tattoos.
2. Put down the bird poop.
3. Yes, I have hair down there like Mom does.
4. No, I won’t show it to you.
5. Tulips are not for eating.
6. I don’t care if you do have an eyeball store, stop poking your brother in the eye.
7. Keep your hands out of your butt.