Before I became a father, I didn’t know:

1. The dinner table could be used for something other than a mail receptacle.
2. All the best tasting foods on my plate were no longer mine alone.
3. It’s possible to function on three hours of sleep a night.
4. It’s required to function on three hours of sleep a night.
5. You really don’t know where you’re driving when you’ve had three hours of sleep.
6. Deciding how much credit Santa gets for Christmas presents would be so difficult.
7. I’d be able to recapture my prankster big brother years. Pull my finger.