I took my first “before” pictures today to share with the world.

I am disgusted.

Why am I sharing these horrible pictures with people I don’t know? Good question. I don’t even like taking my shirt off in the pool. I guess it’s like quitting smoking, except you’re telling everyone you’re quitting being fat, so they can call you to the carpet when you’re stuffing 4 gas station donuts down your lettuce hole. Or 143 M&M’s.

I ask of you - keep me straight.

Also not to be underestimated is the raw distaste I have looking for at these pictures. I hope the pain involved in posting these will be so great that I’ll do everything I can to shrink in the right places.

Fair or unfair, I feel like I need to compare my current self against the me of 2 decades ago, because that guy didn’t mind taking his shirt off. So you have it for reference, and to offer as proof that there’s a thin person in there somewhere, I offer up a picture of me back then. Kinda scrawny, but a pretty good self-image. And about the same amount of chest hair. Having a twin turbo metabolism didn’t hurt, either.

My stats as of today are:

Weight: 226
Chest Circumference: 44 1/2″
Stomach Circumference (at widest point): 43″