Why Dooce Hates Me
07
May
As I was reading Dooce’s monthly letter to her daughter, I realized that she was being critical of me. Maybe not the specific me, but certainly the generalization of me. In her post I think I was lumped in with a bunch of others, to become “some people.” Truth be told, I don’t mind. In fact, from now on I think I’ll refer to myself as “some people,” because I know there’s strength in numbers and should push comes to shove, some people can probably kick one people’s ass.
About three years ago I started reading Dooce’s blog. I was taken by how her word selection, timing and pace seemed so perfect. She wasn’t talking over me. The story setups were subtle yet the stories very active, then pow! she hit me with the kicker. I thought it was brilliant. Remember the first few times you watched The West Wing, E.R. or House? The quick dialog swept you up like you were tubing on some rapids, coming around a blind corner - it was exciting, and you weren’t quite sure what you’d get once around those rocks. I thought the Dooce blog was like that.
Every so often I’d navigate to the contact page and send off an email to Dooce. One day I’d heard the colloquial term “Dooce” explained on NPR and thought it was pretty neat that a blogger I read was getting some press on a national radio show - I emailed my kudos. (By the way, I never heard back.)
This now pales in comparison to the current Today Show exposure she’s getting, but this was a few years ago, back when Dooce only ruled the western half of the United States. And back then it looked like what she was doing was a good time, and me? I like good times. So I wanted to jump right in there and start embarrassing myself. But I had some concerns about blogging about my family, and thought that of all the people who would have experience with that issue, it’d be Dooce. So I sent an email seeking some advice, complete with many compliments in the hopes of currying some favor. Did she have a predetermined set of rules governing the things she would and would not blog about? Which things were off limits, which fair game? Dooce’s reply? Didn’t happen. Again.
But I kept reading. She’s extremely entertaining, after all. In a Bangville Police sort of way. As I read more and more about her daughter and saw an increasing number of photos, I wondered if she’d taken any steps to protect the privacy of her daughter or her family in general. When the time came for me to launch my blog, I wanted to take those same steps. So I sent another email. Again, I got nothing back. Not even an auto-responder (for the record, all my emails have met the same fate). As it turned out, there was nothing to send; short of publishing her address and phone number, she left it all hanging out there.
Now I should clarify - I’ve never been one to send criticism to Heather for publishing anything, be it extracurriculars with A-1 bottles, Leta’s steady diet of french fries, whatever. Sure, some stuff made me worry a bit, but it wasn’t my business or my family. I’d tell myself that more than half the content of her posts was probably bullshit anyway. FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.
Then I read the monthly letter and realized that I must be an idiot. After all, achieving a level of celebrity has never been the honey that draws out the psycho stalkers. I mean, David Letterman was totally having an affair with that woman. That’s why she kept “breaking into” his home, right? John Hinckley Jr? I’m sure Jodie Foster told him to try to wack Reagan. Actress Rebecca Schaefer? I sure the round she took to the chest by her stalker was an accident. Dude was aiming for the dog on her sweater. And John Lennon? David Chapman just wanted to boost the value of his recently acquired Lennon autograph. Totally reasonable. And then there’s Jesse James, Sandra Bullock’s husband. I’m sure the transmission on Marcia Valentine’s Mercedes just got stuck in drive. And then reverse. And then drive. And then reverse.
So yeah, what a hyper-critical ass I am, wanting to learn of any methods Heather’s using to protect her family and local acquaintances as her popularity rises, because that bad shit? It NEVER HAPPENS. Crazy to think that putting your kid’s name and face out there over and over and over again would ever have any chance of precipitating The Dark.
Silly me.






1. Amber | May 9th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
If you have been reading Dooce for a while, as you say you have, you should know the unbelievably hateful mail she gets regularly in regards to ANYTHING she writes on her blog. I think it’s a little presumptuous to think that her recent newsletter post is in response to you.
I’ve been reading Dooce for a while, too. She has to be very comfortable with herself and who she is to write the things she does. I don’t think she would be so bothered by your letters, which seem (by your account) to be thoughtful inquiries, that she would respond in such a way.
I also think it’s a tad presumptuous to assume that she should respond to your e-mails at all. This woman’s site is insanely popular. Have you checked out how many comments her posts get, when she allows them? Frequently, thousands. Imagine the sheer number of e-mails she gets a day. She can’t respond to all of them.
If I were her, I probably wouldn’t respond to your e-mails, either. Not that I wouldn’t appreciate them or harbored any ill feelings toward you. It’s just that when discussing boundaries like that, it’s a very personal issue–one that you need to work through for yourself and decide what YOU feel comfortable with for YOU. Probably just writing the e-mail helped you work through your own questions.
In short, don’t be so easily offended.
The ironic thing is, you’re probably going to be offended by this comment. (Sigh.) Oh well.
2. Jack | May 9th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
lol - not at all. Thanks for your comment. In fact, I poked fun at myself in an earlier post about a portion of this topic: http://familyclay.com/how-you-say-creepy/
And while this post probably read like it, I’m not truly naive enough to think that someone who receives 4 million monthly page views (and about a thousand comments when comments are open) would answer every email. Though back when I was writing them (I’ve long since stopped out of futility), I’m sure the traffic volume wasn’t nearly so high.
I think the thing that worried (and irked) me was what seemed to be a blasé attitude in that monthly letter about the potential for harm she’s creating by putting so much about her daughter onto the web, going as far as making fun of those who would suggest she’s revealing too much. That she’s exposing her family to just as much danger buying groceries. I could have written about thousands of examples of bad things that’ve happened to good people because of some web info about them that fell into the wrong hands. The show To Catch a Predator is only possible thanks to the freaks that exist out there.
So like I said in my post - I still visit Heather’s site daily and I enjoy her writing, and I’m pretty sure she’s a good person. I just wish she would take more steps to insulate her family from potentially negative consequences. But I don’t know if she can unring that bell now.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
3. nutmeg | May 10th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Yea, yea, but when are you going to show us a pisture of Agalia?
4. Jack | May 10th, 2008 at 9:00 am
You don’t like the back of her head?
5. I Don’t Read No Gobbledy Gook, Boyeee - Family Clay | July 29th, 2008 at 9:34 am
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